Thank you, first of all, for your prayers and love.  Jan’s last radiation therapy was last Monday and her last chemotherapy was last  Thursday.  While those are happy, hopeful things, she still feels miserable.  She is having copious secretions from her throat, vomits periodically and is extremely weak as yet.  However, she did get up today and do our bills…which probably made her want to faint dead away!

One of her chemo nurses said that after this therapy, the subsequent two weeks can still be pretty tough.  It appears she was absolutely right.  I hate that Jan is still nauseated and fatigued, but I believe that better days are coming.  It’s a horrible feeling, this sense of being powerless to stop the  misery of one we love.  As a ‘fixer,’ it’s positively maddening.

She is lonely, she is weary and she is sad.  Interesting that all humans are this way.  We can sometimes feel the worst when we are closest to the goal.  Perhaps that’s the great dark secret of hope.   The reason they say, ‘darkest before the dawn,’ and all that.  And the reason scripture says, ‘weeping may last for a night, but joy comes with the morning.’

Jan is weary, and I am weary and the children are weary.  But I know that God has a blessing in this.  A blessing we may not even discern in this life.  (For that is the thing about our faith.  To make sense, it can only  make sense if time and timelessness are both part of the equation!)

I know that He is the good Father, the best of all Fathers, and that He always desires to make up for what is lost, to fix what is broken, to heal what is injured, to bind up our sores and dry our tears.  I believe he will ‘give us  back the years the locusts have eaten,’ even if they were only months.

Hard as it is, hard as rock, hard as tempered iron, I still say, ‘I know that my/her redeemer liveth and that in the end He shall stand upon the earth…’

Please continue to pray for healing and comfort for my dear wife and my family.

May God give you rich blessings in whatever storms come your way.


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