Soon we’ll have a huge television in the waiting room, scrolling messages for our patients.  Doubtless, they’ll be public service items, wait times, information on current issues like flue, and all the rest.

But I’d like to add a few others, maybe subliminally.

‘Calling the nurse a b…ch won’t get you back any faster!’

‘Do not buy Lortab from the man next to you.’

‘Disability doesn’t pay enough to support your Percocet habit.’

‘You won’t get an antibiotic for your cold.’

‘Pick your child up…the floor is disgusting.’

‘Do NOT date that girl across the room who is winking at you.’

‘How sick can you be if you’re eating French fries and dipping snuff?’

‘The doctor will not talk to you if you are texting.’

‘Go home and hug your children.’

‘Kick your Meth using room-mate out of the house.’

‘Pregnancy tests are really cheap!’

‘Before you let him impregnate you, ask yourself if you want to spread that DNA around!’

‘You don’t see the wall you punched whining and coming to the ER!’

‘If the doctors and nurses come to your business and ask for free stuff, will they get it?’

‘Sorry about the wait, but after all, your symptoms started 10 years ago, right?’

‘We can access your recent narcotic prescriptions online.  Creepy, isn’t it?’

‘If you can throw a chair, your back pain isn’t that bad.’

‘Be nice to your wife and children.’

‘Assaulting a health-care worker carries a mandatory sentence!’

‘Please don’t eat a cheesburger while you tell us your stomach hurts!’

On the other hand, maybe just playing Ultimate Fighting would be more soothing.


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