And God said:  I will visit you with ladybugs, you and your household, your wife and children and your hound-dogs.  They will enter your home and remind you that you are powerless.

And I said:  But why?  What did I do?

And God said: What? Oh, you.  Well, it isn’t personal.  The ladybugs just need a place to be, and it seemed so Old Testament.  So, consider thyself smitten.

And I said:  Thanks.

And the ladybugs did descend upon us.  And so heavy was the visitation of ladybugs that they did fill the house, and congregate on the white ceilings.  They gathered by the thousands inside our screens, and landed on all of our food.  And they were stupid ladybugs, who frequently flew upside down and landed in soup, or on hot gas burners and were verily incinerated with a small popping sound.

And my wife Jan did attempt to smite them, and used the magic of the vakuumkleaner to suck up tens of thousands of them, such the the vakuumkleaner ranneth over with tiny writhing insects, who were no longer cute (like when you’re a little child) but were now truly a plague and a pox.

And Jan did sit in the corner rocking back and forth, saying ‘ladybugs, must vanquish ladybugs’, and they landed upon her like a blanket.

And the ladybugs did smite the cats, who chased them fruitlessly and to their own distraction, though it gave them welcome exercise.  And they landed upon the hound-dogs, who could have cared less.

The ladybugs also landed upon us in our sleep, and crawled across our necks in the night, such that we thought they were red wasps or those stupid scorpions, and my wife sat up and yelled ‘AAAAAGH, verily AAAAGH, I hate ladybugs!’  And when we touched them, we sneezed and our eyes were most sorely swollen.  And the children suffered with sneezing and itchy eyes also, so severe was our plague.

And we cried out to God:  What’s up with these ladybugs?  How about a hand?

And God said: What, you again?  Relax, it’s almost summer.  They’ll come again in the fall.  You are almost released from your, I mean, thy travail.  Now let the ladybugs come to me, for I need to send them to annoy someone else.

And they were gone, but not completely for they never are.  Here endeth the lesson.


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