During these days of pandemic, many churches, ours included, are being very diligent about social distancing.  Some churches are meeting in cars in their parking lots while others are having online services.  All of us hope that we can meet together again soon.  Christianity is a faith that emphasizes the church body. The collective meeting of believers is done for praise and worship, the taking of sacraments, education, evangelism, encouragement and mutual assistance.

However, some of us live in places where WiFi is not especially helpful.  In fact, I’d say the devil himself, that great deceiver of the faithful, has either throttled our WiFi further, or at least is taking demonic delight in the fact that especially in rural areas, it’s crazy hard to stream services.  While much of America exults in his awesome 5G service, all to many citizens are using Internet that is barely faster than dial-up.  (Some days I long for dial-up…)

 

 

 

 

 

As such, I’d like to offer this fictional transcript excerpt of how a sermon online can sound during the age of COVID-19, and with bad Internet. (Music deleted; too painful.)  This is in no way an insult to our awesome pastors and worship leaders who are doing their dead level best!  It’s just kind of funny to try and listen…

 

“Good morning! I’m Pastor……service…..Jesus…..We…..football season!…..Social dist…..But……Amen.”

“Read from book of……blueberries, and then my kids…..tragedy…..digress.  David and Go….five stones…..Hallelujah!”

“Encourage you to give with a…..COVID…..but we……love!….Jesus…..Summer.”

“Stay in the Word!…..(muffled joke and laughter)….Jesus…..amen……so that you will always……scripture……love you.”

“I want you to……but you knew….! Ha!……lunch (something about barbecue…)…..encourage…..children and spouses….COVID”

“This is……you……know……but Jesus……the  Word……Psalm……sunshine……hope……travel…..social…..seniors……”

“We will…..prayers…..Lord keep……and…..all those……we…..love!……you said……trust…..believe…. ”

“Our…..art…….kingdom……done…….heaven……bread…..trespa……..tempta…..evil……glory…..amen.”

“We miss……casserole……volunteer……love……Jesus….soon…..”

“Am….peace.”

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