Moped vs. Groundhog:  a play based on a true story.

Groundhog Union Local 17 approved this post

Groundhog Union Local 17 approved this post

Driver on moped, busy rural road:  ngngngngngngngnggn, putter, putter, ngngng…

Groundhog:  Munch, much, waddle, waddle.

Moped:  ngngngngngngngngng, putter, spas, skip, ngngngng

Groundhog:  Looks up, curious, munch, munch, waddle, waddle.

Moped driver sees furry beast, doesn’t worry.  Riding manly moped:  ngngngngngngng, whine, ngngng, choke, ngngngng

Groundhog:  Munch, munch, more curious, waddle, waddle, sit up, munch.  Head turned toward sound.

Moped driver:  Puts the hammer down.  ngngngngngngngngng, cough, cough, skip, ngngng.  Ramming speed of some 15 nautical miles per hour.

Groundhog:  relatively low IQ.  Munch, munch.  ‘Maybe I should move!  Aw, $%#@ no, it’s a human on a moped.  He’s too smart to hit me.’

Moped driver:  Ngngngngg.  ‘It’s a groundhog.  It will probably move.’

30 minutes pass.

Groundhog:  Munch, munch, waddle, looks up.  ‘Oh &^@#!’

Moped driver:  ngngngngngng, sputter, ngngng.  ‘Is that a bear?  Oh *&^%$, it’s a giant beaver or something!’

Crash!  Boom!  Bang!  Aaagh!  Twisted metal, fur, bits of grass, snapping bones.  Ambulance.

Groundhog:  Waddle, waddle, waddle, munch,  munch.  ‘Now I’ve got a tire-track on my fur! People are lame.’

The end

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