Twice in the last few months I have encountered grief as rage. Both were in the setting of the cardiac arrest of individuals who were already very ill. One was aged, with severe, end-stage heart disease. One was of middle age, but with metastatic cancer and on hospice.
In one instance, family members became angry because we did not leave the body in the ER for eight hours so that everyone could come and pay their respects. (Which I always thought was the purpose of a funeral home.) In another, a family was angry because we did not allow everyone back into the room during the resuscitation of their cancer-stricken loved one; a resuscitation the family insisted upon, and which required rescinding hospice status. From observing their demeanor, their presence would have caused total chaos in the room. And I say that as someone who doesn’t mind family watching me work a cardiac arrest!
In both situations, there were screams and threats. One woman said, ‘you bring the supervisor to me and I’ll mess her up!’ In another, an angry (intoxicated) son paced, clenched his fist, shouted and said, ‘I’ll show you something, yes I will.’
In the hospice case, the dear hospice nurse had spent the entire day with her patient as drunk family members actually threw things at her (to the dismay and disappointment of the dying).
I understand grief. I get it. It’s overwhelming and painful. We all want to help ease the transition of the family in their time of loss. But when it transforms into physical threats, into rage directed at the staff of the hospital, then it crosses the line of propriety.
We have so abandoned manners, decorum, decency that some will doubtless opine that it’s not up to me to judge how someone feels grief. Perhaps, but being threatened does not make me more sympathetic. And feelings need not morph into violence, or the threat of it.
Most tragically, however, this behavior by adult children entirely dishonors the memory of the family they purport to love. I would be cut to the quick if I thought my children were acting that way as I lay dying, or after I had died.
We have expectations as a society. And one of them is that we do not, in our grief, threaten to harm those who have done their best to help. It’s less than childish, it’s beastly. And I will not allow myself, or my staff, to endure it any more.
People have long forgotten, or were never taught, that their rights end where ours begin. This is an intangible space but to those who never seem to care about how they are perceived by other members of society, always seem to know where to theirs is, and violate ours.
I think you are excusing bad behavior and calling it “grief”. Drunken insults, threats and demands can never be excused in anyone over the age of five. I suspect these people exhibit the same types of behavior in all aspects of their lives, no grief needed!!
What they lack is personal accountability and responsibility toward others. It is a lifestyle..not a grief event.
You’re right! It isn’t actually grief; we all know and respect grief. This is just an outpouring of the same underlying behavior, unleashed under the guise, or trigger, of grief. I think sometimes it’s because that dead person was the only one who brought any order to the family unit, and suddenly havoc is unleashed!
[…] blog post was originally published at edwinleap.com* Posted in Genel « Doctors: Boot Up a Computer to Save a Life TCA Cellular Presents […]
CherylM
12 years ago
We tell our 2 year old “It’s ok to be” angry/sad/disappointed/etc “but not ok to” scream/hit someone/throw things. “We’ll address this a better way.” Sounds like some of these folks need the same training.
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The very core of your writing while sounding agreeable initially, did not really work perfectly with me personally after some time. Someplace throughout the paragraphs you managed to make me a believer but just for a while. I still have got a problem with your leaps in logic and you might do nicely to fill in all those breaks. If you can accomplish that, I could undoubtedly end up being fascinated.
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You ought to actually take into consideration engaged on developing this blog into a serious authority on this market. You evidently have a grasp deal with of the topics everyone seems to be searching for on this web site anyhow and you would actually even earn a buck or two off of some advertisements. I’d discover following latest subjects and elevating the quantity of write ups you place up and I guarantee you’d start seeing some wonderful targeted site visitors within the close to future. Just a thought, good luck in no matter you do!
You actually make it appear so easy together with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually one thing which I believe I would never understand. It kind of feels too complex and very extensive for me. I’m taking a look ahead for your next put up, I¡¦ll try to get the hold of it!
Appreciate you for sharing these kinds of wonderful content. In addition, the perfect travel plus medical insurance strategy can often eradicate those fears that come with vacationing abroad. The medical emergency can rapidly become costly and that’s sure to quickly impose a financial load on the family’s finances. Having in place the perfect travel insurance bundle prior to leaving is well worth the time and effort. Thanks
Thank you, I have recently been looking for information about this topic for ages and yours is the best I’ve discovered till now. But, what about the conclusion? Are you sure about the source?
Thanks for your blog post. A few things i would like to add is that personal computer memory must be purchased if your computer still cannot cope with that which you do by using it. One can mount two good old ram boards having 1GB each, in particular, but not certainly one of 1GB and one of 2GB. One should always check the maker’s documentation for one’s PC to be sure what type of memory space is necessary.
It¡¦s actually a cool and useful piece of information. I am happy that you simply shared this helpful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.
I do believe all of the ideas you have offered for your post. They’re really convincing and can certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are too quick for starters. May you please lengthen them a little from subsequent time? Thank you for the post.
Some truly excellent info , Gladiolus I discovered this. “I try to avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.” by Charlotte Bronte.
Thanks for the helpful posting. It is also my opinion that mesothelioma has an really long latency interval, which means that signs and symptoms of the disease may not emerge until 30 to 50 years after the original exposure to mesothelioma. Pleural mesothelioma, that’s the most common form and influences the area throughout the lungs, may cause shortness of breath, torso pains, and a persistent coughing, which may bring on coughing up our blood.
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Hello there! Quick question that’s completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My website looks weird when viewing from my iphone 4. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to fix this issue. If you have any recommendations, please share. Thank you!
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People have long forgotten, or were never taught, that their rights end where ours begin. This is an intangible space but to those who never seem to care about how they are perceived by other members of society, always seem to know where to theirs is, and violate ours.
[…] edwinleap.com | When grief becomes rage […]
I think you are excusing bad behavior and calling it “grief”. Drunken insults, threats and demands can never be excused in anyone over the age of five. I suspect these people exhibit the same types of behavior in all aspects of their lives, no grief needed!!
What they lack is personal accountability and responsibility toward others. It is a lifestyle..not a grief event.
Good post.
Toni,
You’re right! It isn’t actually grief; we all know and respect grief. This is just an outpouring of the same underlying behavior, unleashed under the guise, or trigger, of grief. I think sometimes it’s because that dead person was the only one who brought any order to the family unit, and suddenly havoc is unleashed!
Thanks for a great post. No one walks away satisfied.
[…] blog post was originally published at edwinleap.com* Posted in Genel « Doctors: Boot Up a Computer to Save a Life TCA Cellular Presents […]
We tell our 2 year old “It’s ok to be” angry/sad/disappointed/etc “but not ok to” scream/hit someone/throw things. “We’ll address this a better way.” Sounds like some of these folks need the same training.
[…] patient’s grief can threaten the safety of health care providers when it crosses into […]
[…] patient’s grief can threaten the safety of health care providers when it crosses into […]
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The very core of your writing while sounding agreeable initially, did not really work perfectly with me personally after some time. Someplace throughout the paragraphs you managed to make me a believer but just for a while. I still have got a problem with your leaps in logic and you might do nicely to fill in all those breaks. If you can accomplish that, I could undoubtedly end up being fascinated.
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Thank you, I have recently been looking for information about this topic for ages and yours is the best I’ve discovered till now. But, what about the conclusion? Are you sure about the source?
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You’re welcome, friend. Anytime!
Hello there! Quick question that’s completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My website looks weird when viewing from my iphone 4. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to fix this issue. If you have any recommendations, please share. Thank you!
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