The gas logs and the leather chair

I have long been a man who has found it difficult to sit still.  My life has been one of near constant activity.  Whether working, playing with the children, writing or just walking around the house and yard, I do not sit, I move.

Until this month.  My wife’s cancer diagnosis stopped me in my tracks.  Just over three weeks into our adventure, we have a diagnosis and plan, and have great hope for a cure.  But I still find myself slower, less busy, less driven.

I have dismissed unnecessary activities and projects from my already busy life.  I have resigned from some positions.  I have done less, by far, than I ordinarily would have this time of year.

And I believe it has been one of the blessings that Jan said might be hidden in her diagnosis.  She has always understood rest, solace, comfort.  She is busy as well, with home-schooling, church activities and simply organizing the chaos the kids and I bring to our home.  But she has long grasped the value of down-time, sitting, resting.  She is adamant about the right pillow, the right blanket, the right bed.  She loves to sit and read her favorite books, listen to her music, play a game.  My wife is a woman of balance.

I have now grasped what she was doing.  For me, the last few weeks have been the time of gas-logs and leather chair.  The time of Wii games with the children, and the guiltless enjoyment of movies for shear comfort.  I planted myself in our living room, which was perfectly filled with Christmas trees and other decorations, and I sat, basking in the comfort of warmth, hidden from the unseasonably cold winter that we are having here in South-Town.

Perhaps some of it was a little dysfunctional, a little bit anxiety driven.  Perhaps I retreated, or even hid.  I have not answered anywhere near the e-mails I have received.  I have not written much.  But I have rested.

Sleep comes to me easily, and I enjoy it.  Jan drifts off by my side to the light of the fire.

These comforts are of inestimable value.  And for the first time in a very long time, I am content to be content, comforted by being comfortable.

I recommend, highly, a fire and a cozy chair in times of duress.

Apply liberally, every night, until symptoms improve.

Doctor’s orders.

Edwin