A physician friend of mine recently bragged that, while driving along a rural South Carolina road, he had stopped, chased a timber-rattler into the bushes, located said rattler, then urinated on it.
‘I wanted to say I had peed on a rattlesnake!’ He beat a hasty retreat (and I imagine a hasty zip-up) when the snake rattled and struck at the air. Who can blame Mr. Snake?
You can take the redneck to medical school, but you’ll just get a redneck with a medical degree.
Which brings me to me. I have to work on our tool-shed/work-shop in the morning. The tool-shed/work-shop is, however, over-run with red-wasps. I counted no less than ten nests inside. These are irritable, contentious creatures with no love of humanity. If they were humans, they would be Jihadists. Convenient, as I have little regard for them.
So, with my wife and children out of town (and unavailable to help me should I be over-whelmed by wasps, or need someone to kiss my boo-boo), I made a plan for a 2300 raid. Plan and outcome as follows:
1) Find and check expiration date on epi-pen. Check.
2) Refresh memory of how to use epi-pen. Check.
3) Make sure cell-phone is charged, to call 911. Check.
4) Leave cell-phone in house in case I have to jump into pool in desperation. Check.
5) Strap large knife to belt. Check. (It’s a redneck thing.)
6) Obtain flashlight to locate wasp-nests. And hopefully blind them. And search for nocturnal rattlesnakes (not for purposes of urination). Check.
7) Obtain two cans of wasp spray. Check.
8) Worry about wisdom of using partially emptied cans. Check, check.
9) Use military hand-signals to convey plan to confused and sleepy hound-dogs. Check.
10) Slip outside to building, watching carefully for rattlesnakes, while dogs wisely hang back (having correctly interpreted hand signals). Check
11) Open door of building and look at rafters. Check.
12) Oh no, oh no, oh no. They’re everywhere! Worry. Look overhead (something always lands on your head in horror movies). Check.
13) Find largest, meanest-looking nest and spray. Check.
14) O h no, oh no, not enough spray. Check
15) Spray other can around wall, feebly attempting to kill wasps probably alerted by dying brethren. Check.
16) Other can empty too soon. Oh no, oh no. Check.
17) Run as fast as possible to house. Lock door as if wasps were giant and had thumbs. Check.
18) Put away epi-pen for tomorrow. Check.
19) Wonder if dogs can be trained to use wasp-spray. Check.
20) Go to bed, realizing I am a huge coward when it comes to wasps. Check, check, check.
Hah!!, Thanks for making me laugh out loud after a long shift. We were overrun. That is a laugh well earned.
Airedalelover
12 years ago
Very funny. Wait a minute while I wipe off my coffee spewed key board. Ok. Back now. Some things are better left to professionals. Call one. They work nights and weekends. Trust me.
Glad to hear Jan is doing well. Interesting how we start to care for people we’ve never met just by praying for them and their families.
Thanks for the sympathy! I thought about a fogger, but the shop is open at the top of the wall along the roof, so I don’t know if the concentration would be adequate. May you have many successful raids!
Appreciate it for helping out, fantastic info. “Job dissatisfaction is the number one factor in whether you survive your first heart attack.” by Anthony Robbins.
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Hah!!, Thanks for making me laugh out loud after a long shift. We were overrun. That is a laugh well earned.
Very funny. Wait a minute while I wipe off my coffee spewed key board. Ok. Back now. Some things are better left to professionals. Call one. They work nights and weekends. Trust me.
Glad to hear Jan is doing well. Interesting how we start to care for people we’ve never met just by praying for them and their families.
God Bless
Great description and far too accurate.
Foggers work best in these sort of situations.
My workshop is overrun as well and I’ve (more or less) played this out in real life a time or forty.
Thanks for the sympathy! I thought about a fogger, but the shop is open at the top of the wall along the roof, so I don’t know if the concentration would be adequate. May you have many successful raids!
how goes it, prominent blog on suety loss. corresp onding helped.
Appreciate it for helping out, fantastic info. “Job dissatisfaction is the number one factor in whether you survive your first heart attack.” by Anthony Robbins.