Here in South Appalachia, we have another native uprising on our hands! The Gottagetalortab and Stolemyoxy tribe continue to assail the stockades that are local pain clinics, family medicine offices, ER’s and pharmacies. While sluggish and ataxic, and given to nocturnal hypoxia, they are a persistent bunch, often successfully carrying off hundreds of pills by pretending to have serious injuries and illnesses. Their prizes are purchased with government wampum belts, in a remarkable inversion of the centuries old habit of buying off natives with cheap trinkets.
The local Cookameths were a problem, but have mostly blown themselves to bits by putting ether in their peace-pipes. Most of their work has been outsourced to the Meximeth nation, who manage to ship vast quantities into the great American urban frontier, largely unassailed. Got to give them credit. If there’s a buck to be made, they’ll figure out how to do it!
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