A few days ago in the emergency department I revived a discussion that began approximately a year ago.  Back then, I was talking with my sage friend Frank and we discussed how much we would enjoy having tails.

Now, mind you, this has little to do with anything important.  But it may say a lot about each of us individually.  See, Frank and I both felt that it would be very cool to have long, prehensile tails, like monkeys.  Granted, opossums have them as well, but they don’t seem as agile or useful.  (And they’re largely hairless and pink appearing).  But a long, muscular, furry tail, I mean, who could go wrong?  You could grab things with it.  You could hold onto the children when crossing the street and holding groceries.  You could sleep upside down.  You could climb into your tree stand without fear of falling.  The implications are staggering.
So I brought this up at work again, in a lull between patients.  These are the sort of fascinating philosophical discussions triggered by modern emergency care.  Believe it or not, there were many different opinions.  I figured everyone would want a monkey tail, you know?

Amy wanted a skunk tail, so that everyone would know when she was angry.  Russell wanted the tail of a White Tailed Dear, white and flashy.  Our friend Mira, who is Bulgarian by birth, thought we were all insane and probably wondered why she ever decided to move here.  Though she did concede that perhaps a small bunny tail would be attractive, and unobtrusive.  Laura requested a tail like a Labrador Retriever, heavy and powerful that would pound against the wall when she was happy, and be capable of knocking things over.

Later, in a moment of epiphany, I suggested that as much fun as a monkey tail might be, a rattlesnake type tail might keep annoying persons away quite effectively.  And you know, an alligator tail is powerful and helps one to swim with great power and speed.
So, what about you?  What kind of tail would you want?   I look forward to the results of this little informal survey.  Ask around the ER.  Ask your patients.  Ask your friends.  What with modern genetics, we may only be a generation away!

Yeah, I know, it’s a bizarre first blog for the year.  But it has occupied my mind.  I promise to give you all some more depth in the coming weeks and months.

Sincerely,

Edwin

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