Wow, they drive me crazy! The duplicity! The lying! The made-up stories about lost pain-pills, the endless search for disability, the unbelievable prevalence of chest pain, reported in hopes of morphine!
They drive me crazy because they neglect and abuse their families, and because they come to me, hoping I’ll solve every little problem that plagues them. As if there were pills for anger, sadness, sloth, criminality and every other condition that plagues humanity.
They drive me crazy not knowing their medicine, their diseases, their doctors or even their last surgeries! They push me to the brink with demands, insured or not, for this test or that pill, that procedure or this referral. They are so NEEDY!
And I thought, suddenly, as if my watching angel leaned over and whispered into my ear:
‘How do you think you look?’
And I realized. I look needy, and duplicitous. I deny my own failures, evils and weaknesses. I make excuses. I want to be taken out of all the hard parts of life and given some temporal/celestial disability. I whine, and I complain, and I hope that every bit of discomfort is something from which I can be delivered. Even as I say to patients, ‘some things just hurt,’ I realize that it’s true for all of life. That it’s true for my life.
How do I look? Disheveled, demanding and confused, often as not. And when I come to God this way, to Abba father, to my redeemer, I often look the prodigal as my patients so often do. Sometimes the prodigal leaving, sometimes the prodigal returning. And yet, I am loved like the prodigal Jesus described.
Perhaps, for all I know, he who lived beyond time used me as a model for that prodigal.
All I know is this; in God’s eyes I am no better, and no worse, than any patient who may drive me to distraction.
We are all rough and dirty, tricky and demanding and oh, so very needy.
Fortunately, God accepts us all. He desires to meet all our needs; even the ones we don’t realize we have.
I should attempt, despite my weakness and false judgment, to love that way. Even when they drive me crazy. For I am certain I do the same thing to my Father in heaven.
Every now and then I run across something that enables me to justify chunks of time given to aimless net surfing. This blog post is one of them. Candid, profound, wise.
If I had a physician like you, I’d actually go to a doctor.
Nancy
14 years ago
What an observation that you or I served as the model for the prodigal. Humbling. Honest. Challenging.
I am a third year medical student, and every day I feel more frustrated than the one before. I wonder sometimes why I’m even going into medicine. It seems so easy to forget my real reasons for applying to medical school when I’m caught up in the difficulties of the third year. With that in mind, it was really wonderful to read your post today. I feel like if I can remember that truth, that I am no better or worse than other students, interns, residents, doctors, or patients, my tasks feel a little bit easier and my load lighter.… Read more »
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Edwin,
Every now and then I run across something that enables me to justify chunks of time given to aimless net surfing. This blog post is one of them. Candid, profound, wise.
If I had a physician like you, I’d actually go to a doctor.
What an observation that you or I served as the model for the prodigal. Humbling. Honest. Challenging.
Thank you.
I am a third year medical student, and every day I feel more frustrated than the one before. I wonder sometimes why I’m even going into medicine. It seems so easy to forget my real reasons for applying to medical school when I’m caught up in the difficulties of the third year. With that in mind, it was really wonderful to read your post today. I feel like if I can remember that truth, that I am no better or worse than other students, interns, residents, doctors, or patients, my tasks feel a little bit easier and my load lighter.… Read more »