Sir, you appear to have a life-threatening aortic dissection, in which the large blood vessel in your chest has a tear.

‘Uh, yeah, so can I get a Lortab?’

Ma’am, I believe you have pneumonia and need antibiotics.

‘I figured.  Can I have some Lortab or what?’

Miss, your child has a subtle break in his wrist.

‘I see.  Can he get some Lortab or something?’

Headache….Lortab.  Depression….out of Lortab.  Anxiety….pain…Lortab.  Abscess…Lortab.  Cystitis…Lortab.

At the end of every algorithm,  Dear physicians, insert the word Lortab (or Percocet, or Methadone, or Oxycontin, or Dilaudid).

You’ll be right about the underlying problem more than most of us care to admit.


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