An updated Halloween prayer:

Lord, this day defend us from all perils of the season. From weight gain, from carbohydrates and sugar coma, from broken fillings and crowns, protect us. From too many pumpkin dishes, shield us.

From outfits we should not wear for the sake of dignity. From body paint. From falling over tiny dogs dressed like spiders. From wee monsters, ninjas and princesses spewing viral infections, save us.

And from every manner of slutty fire-fighter, naughty police-officer, trampy secretary, tawdry nurse, lusty lawyer, bawdy chimpanzee, promiscuous pirate, lascivious god or goddess, and any and all things both lewd and incredibly silly.


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