Oh Christmas in Emergistan,

a wondrous time of year,

with every pain scale off the chart

and elves a’ swilling beer.


With old folks feeling sad and blue,

and shoppers picking fights,

and psychiatric rooms all full

of strange, disturbing sights.


Oh Christmas in our native land,

is never without fun;

but check the strange guy’s shopping bag,

he might just have a gun!


Christmas in Emergistan,

with Christmas lists specific;

Percocet is nice enough

Dilaudid is terrific!


Sweet Christmas in Emergistan,

with chest pain all around,

where stressful family gatherings

are always to be found.


Dear Santa please don’t pass us by,

who labor in Emergistan,

We need a little Christmas here,

We need a helping hand.


So make the painscales zero

and hide the thongs from view;

Let lives be saved from pain and death,

and help this brave, bold few,


Who day and night do all we can

to help the sick and dying,

And show us how to comfort them

when life has left them crying.


And give us tools and insights,

consultants and rooms sufficient

To save Emergistani folks

from all actions maleficent.


Sweet Christmas in Emergistan,

may every shift be dull,

may naps and card-games rule the night

and snack trays remain full.

For Christmas in Emergistan

is something we must do.

So may it be a thing of peace

for me and all of you.



Dec. 22, 2013

Edwin Leap