A novel way to befuddle drug seekers…
My genius partner, RKM, was lately confronted by a patient seeking pain medication. Due to a very nice system instituted by the state of SC, providers can search for their patients’ prescription histories. Turns out this individual had received multiple narcotic prescriptions from multiple providers all over the state, and had done it using at least three separate addresses.
Ever the resourceful doc, my partner confronted this patient with the following information:
‘Sir, it appear that you have been the victim of identity theft! Fortunately, we were able to discover that someone has used your information to obtain narcotics under false pretense! But rest assured, we have contacted the authorities and we’ll catch the SOB who did this to you!’
He was met, I am told, by wide-eyed, open-mouthed silence.
No prescriptions were dispensed. Though it is entirely possible the patient will be needing a big bottle of Jim Beam for his nerves, and adult diapers for irritable bowel, for the next several weeks.
Bless you, RKM, for the theatrical, perfectly passive-aggressive genius you are!
Edwin
Rolling Around on the Floor Laughing!! (There are times it needs to be spelled out.)
I did the documentation for a similar sitch while at the VA. I would have loved to behold that open mouthed look on the patient when he was told to stop going to two VAs for scripts.
This is so funny. BUSTED!!
That is golden.
I think the best one for the ‘tooth ache’ drug seekers is a colleague of mine who offers to perform a nerve block to the affected area–provides instant relief which lasts long enough to get in to the dentist…The fakers bolt and the real ones say ‘oh that sounds great–yes do it!’
I almost wet myself after reading that one! I would have never thought of that myself. I wish Florida had the same system. I send most of my patients out to pain management and though I wish we were able to write our own controlled substances, sometimes I’m glad I can use it as an excuse. Great post! I updated my links and am noticing that my link seems to have disappeared. I suppose it’s because I haven’t popped in for a visit in a long while. I’ll have to fix that for sure!
This one even beats even Greg House. It can surely be those anecdotes one finds in Readers Digest etc.
RKM is a genius.
irritable bowel is really a very annoying disease.`.: