Hard truths from the real world of the ER
This is my column in today’s Greenville News. I hope you enjoy it.
A few forgotten truths, culled from the ER
Call me bitter, angry, burnt-out or cynical. Call me cruel and judgmental. Call me whatever you need to call me. But don’t call me a liar. I work in an emergency room, where the worst of culture is put under a kind of societal microscope and seen all the more clearly. And what I see, friends, is not promising.
The problem seems to stem from the fact that many in our culture have never learned that anything was right or wrong. The fault lies with generations of families who abandoned the idea of teaching their children. It lies with the church for becoming weak-in-the-knees and apologetic. And it lies with government for believing it could engineer a better world with money and handouts.
So, we will have to start speaking some hard truths now and then. And since so many people have apparently never heard these truths, I’ll try to cover a few of the more important ones.
Everything I point out will be drawn directly from an experience I have had in the emergency department, so please understand I speak from the brutal, bloody, heart-rending perspective of real human suffering, terrible human cruelty and stunning human sloth. So here goes:
It’s always wrong to attack infants and children. It doesn’t matter if you were tired, if they were loud, if money was tight or someone was drunk. It’s evil and leaves lifelong physical and emotional scars. Oh, and if you do it, you’ll go to prison. Eventually, you’ll have to explain it to God.
Beating your wife, or husband for that matter, is always wrong. It’s irrelevant that they ‘mouthed-off,’ that you lost your job, that they never let you get a word in, or don’t understand your issues. Furthermore, you break their hearts when you break their bones.
Pain-pills are not vitamins or nutrition. Pain pills are very addictive. Most routine pains, like average ankle-sprains, bee-stings, sunburns and other such problems can be managed without…well, anything. And lying to obtain pain pills, stealing pain pills, altering prescriptions or buying such pills on the street all constitute crimes. (Who knew?)
Disability is not a high goal, not a way of life and (pay attention) not a profession. Lots of people need it. But lots of people don’t, and therefore lie to get it. Some people don’t know why they’re on it, continue to collect it, and manage to deer hunt, ride four-wheelers, do heavy lifting for cash on the side, and still get around just fine. Children, if your parents suggest disability as simply another career path, ignore them. Go into medicine, law, engineering or heating and air.
Crushing someone else’s face is wrong. Stabbing and shooting them is wrong. No one cares how they looked at your girlfriend, what they said about the Tigers, how much money they owe you or, especially, how drunk any of you were. Drunk is not a pass. Assaults are a crime, and cause people to occasionally lose teeth, be blinded, need surgery or die.
Not every life issue requires medication. Not every child has ADD/ADHD. Some children just need to run around more than others. Not every adult has it. Some just need to sit down, try to focus and stop making excuses. Drugs for ADD, by the way, are much abused on college campuses; and not because everyone is struggling to understand calculus.
Just because every teenager on television has a sex-life that Hugh Hefner would envy, doesn’t mean it’s good or healthy. Sexually transmitted diseases are epidemic; pain and infertility in young women is a growing consequence. HIV kills. Depression is also an STD. In other words, hold your sweetheart’s hand, share a kiss, go dancing. But leave it at that; unless you want to be a father or mother or catch a disease. Leaving your wife or husband may seem cool, but you’ll end up poor as well as unhealthy and depressed. And the children will never, hear this, never recover. Work it out, unless the abuse thing is happening, as mentioned above.
Nothing is free but God’s grace. Tough truth, I know. But insurance isn’t free, disability isn’t free, even socialized care won’t be free. Someone has to pay for everything, even if it isn’t you.
I know there are lots I haven’t covered. But boy, if we learned just these few truths, the world would be better; for my children and yours.
And the ER would be positively boring.
My husband and I look forward to your articles in the paper. We made our 18 and 14 year-olds read the “Hard Truths” – certainly all things we have said to them in some form or fashion through the years too. We appreciate the fact that you’ve seen the worst of times for folks that continually make bad choices. We try to tell our kids that life has lots of choices and there is a price to be paid for them all but that good choices are generally more rewarding in the long run and much cheaper too. This should be required reading in every middle and high school classroom!
Thanks for keeping the truth real and simple in an complex world!
Love it.
Hey Ed, well stated, as usual. I think the only thing I would add would be don’t be mean to animals (even cats). In the Hindi religion kindness to animals is considered one of the highest goods as it can not be repaid (unless it is a Disney movie). I am thinking of the times I saw people who were drunk and “just messin” with the Bull, Snake, Pit Bull, etc. I think we need more Apex predators to make the world a better place and restore balance. Imagine what wolves do to the fitness of the caribou herd. Ever see a fat caribou? God Bless. r
Ed:
Good column and you’re right on the money, as usual. I know you can’t hit everything, but you did leave out something when you were discussing ADD/ADHD. Not everyone who has been diagnosed with a mental illness is Bi-Polar. It seems that when I’m taking a guilty plea in court and ask someone if they’ve ever been treated for or are presently being treated for a mental illness and they respond in the affirmative, 99 percent say they’re Bi-Polar. How can that be? In just the past three days of court this week, everyone saying they had a mental illness said they were Bi-Polar. Include me in that category too since I’m getting really depressed thinking how everyone is bi-polar and I’m getting really mad that I haven’t had myself professionally diagnosed as such.
Have a nice day.
Blake
Hey Ed,
Well stated as usual. Your words are always so eloguently spoken and in such a manner that is easily understood. Doctor’s, much like nurse’s, are under appreciated. Thank you for all that you do. I have had the pleasure of seeing you in action in the ER and would trust you with my life. God Bless you and your family.
Thank you as always for this powerful message. All 3 of my children have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and put on medicine. I finally said NO more – because they were not the happy and energetic children I knew and loved. They still are successful and doing well WITHOUT medication. They have learned how to re-focus when their attention wonder and ask for help when they need it. They have to work harder than some children – but that is ok. My oldest daughter is now entering her 3rd year at Marshall University and doing well. my son is getting ready to graduate and thinking about going into the Coast Guard or Community College to start off (he and I both know that jumping right into a 4 year University would not work for him) and the youngest has made A / B honor roll every nine weeks since entering Middle School (and they wanted to hold her back in 2nd grade because her teacher had a “conflict” with her and she thought she wouldn’t). I have also kept my children involved in school activities and extra-curricular activities. My children and yours are the face of our future and how we raise and love them is what will be returned to us and our society! I wish all parents could understand that how you nurture your children will reflect back in the future.
“If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free!”
P.J. O’Rourke
Edwin,
Excellent as usual. Your writing keeps getting better and better! I look forward to every column.
John “the only conservative in Olympia, WA” Short
Why do you say the children will never ever recover from divorce?
Perhaps that’s too strong a statement, but not by much. Almost everyone finds a way to go on and function; but statistics on the children of divorce, even adult children of divorce, shows that the scars are deep and permanent.
Small children suffer emotionally, have more health issues (possibly due to financial difficulties), and often experience higher rates of drug use, criminality and illicit sexual behavior when dad is out of the home (as is usually the case).
Adult children also face emotional difficulties following divorce.
So, even as we consider it almost a societal norm, I think we simply overlook the remarkable problems associated with ‘killing’ the living organism of a marriage.
Edwin