Comments on: Hopelessness in the ER http://edwinleap.com/blog/?p=350 Edwin Leap/physician-writer discusses medicine, family, and culture Wed, 08 Sep 2010 19:17:03 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 By: Edwinlea http://edwinleap.com/blog/?p=350&cpage=1#comment-63697 Edwinlea Wed, 06 May 2009 15:45:49 +0000 http://edwinleap.com/blog/?p=350#comment-63697 I don't mean, in any way, to malign or minimize the efforts of wonderful single parents. I just think that research bears out the fact that, when homes can remain intact (and many absolutely can't), the children are at an advantage. But let's face it, some parents simply divorce when marriage becomes difficult (which it invariably does), or because they're bored and want new partners, etc. And some fathers simply have no interest in their children, and those children suffer as well. Those actions hurt the children. Guess I have to put my money where my mouth is and quote some data on this. Thanks! Edwin I don’t mean, in any way, to malign or minimize the efforts of wonderful single parents. I just think that research bears out the fact that, when homes can remain intact (and many absolutely can’t), the children are at an advantage.

But let’s face it, some parents simply divorce when marriage becomes difficult (which it invariably does), or because they’re bored and want new partners, etc.

And some fathers simply have no interest in their children, and those children suffer as well.

Those actions hurt the children.

Guess I have to put my money where my mouth is and quote some data on this.

Thanks!

Edwin

]]> By: midwest woman http://edwinleap.com/blog/?p=350&cpage=1#comment-63694 midwest woman Wed, 06 May 2009 15:26:19 +0000 http://edwinleap.com/blog/?p=350#comment-63694 My best friend was widowed at 39 and successfully raised 4 youg children. Many widowed fathers do the same thing. What about the soldiers who are away from home for long periods? It's too simplistic to say the above. Many single parents out there doing a good job. I divorced and it was a difficult decision that took 4 years to make and I can see some changes in my children that make me sad. I did take something from them but so did their father who couldn't make the necessary compromises. I will have to live with it. My experience as a child was that my father should have divorced my mother due to her alcoholism. The wreckage left from that relationship lives on thru me and my sisters. I, for one, truly believe in the old fashioned notion of pre-marriage counseling. I wish I had done it , my married daughter did it and has a wonderful marriage...loving but realistic. My best friend was widowed at 39 and successfully raised 4 youg children. Many widowed fathers do the same thing. What about the soldiers who are away from home for long periods? It’s too simplistic to say the above. Many single parents out there doing a good job. I divorced and it was a difficult decision that took 4 years to make and I can see some changes in my children that make me sad. I did take something from them but so did their father who couldn’t make the necessary compromises.
I will have to live with it. My experience as a child was that my father should have divorced my mother due to her alcoholism. The wreckage left from that relationship lives on thru me and my sisters.
I, for one, truly believe in the old fashioned notion of pre-marriage counseling. I wish I had done it , my married daughter did it and has a wonderful marriage…loving but realistic.

]]> By: Edwinlea http://edwinleap.com/blog/?p=350&cpage=1#comment-63687 Edwinlea Wed, 06 May 2009 04:06:04 +0000 http://edwinleap.com/blog/?p=350#comment-63687 No doubt that when parents are contentious, or violent, or abusive to one another, it's better for the kids for the parents to be apart. But, on the whole (and I'll have to find the references), children of divorce seem to have more physical and psychological ills, and also seem to have greater difficulties in society. Maybe the factor involved is absence of the father, because I've read about higher rates of drug use, illicit sex, criminality and other problems when dads are absent. Of course, that could be from divorce or due to a family that was mom-only from the get go. A good point, and thanks for making it! Edwin No doubt that when parents are contentious, or violent, or abusive to one another, it’s better for the kids for the parents to be apart.

But, on the whole (and I’ll have to find the references), children of divorce seem to have more physical and psychological ills, and also seem to have greater difficulties in society.

Maybe the factor involved is absence of the father, because I’ve read about higher rates of drug use, illicit sex, criminality and other problems when dads are absent. Of course, that could be from divorce or due to a family that was mom-only from the get go.

A good point, and thanks for making it!

Edwin

]]> By: LetLive http://edwinleap.com/blog/?p=350&cpage=1#comment-63676 LetLive Tue, 05 May 2009 21:31:08 +0000 http://edwinleap.com/blog/?p=350#comment-63676 "Why do they divorce, when science has clearly documented the negative effects of divorce, on both the adults and children of divorce?" Careful... studies (Amato and Keither, 1991, for example)show that children living with contentious but married parents fair less well than those from divorced parents and that unhappy marriages can put children at great risk for maladjustment (Amato and Keither, 2001 shows this). As for the hope part, I think you are bang on! Perhaps not on the source of hope, but for sure that people need to feel loved and accepted, whether that feeling comes from within, from others, or from a belief in a higher power. “Why do they divorce, when science has clearly documented the negative effects of divorce, on both the adults and children of divorce?”

Careful… studies (Amato and Keither, 1991, for example)show that children living with contentious but married parents fair less well than those from divorced parents and that unhappy marriages can put children at great risk for maladjustment (Amato and Keither, 2001 shows this).

As for the hope part, I think you are bang on! Perhaps not on the source of hope, but for sure that people need to feel loved and accepted, whether that feeling comes from within, from others, or from a belief in a higher power.

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